Happy new year!
While I spent much of it feeling unable to really participate in life, this year has been a pretty big one. My S.O. and I relocated from outside of the city to the city proper, and I’ve seen a lot of growth in my patience and maturity. We’ve come through some really difficult things, but the important part is that we’ve come through it.
This year also meant a lot of fear, for me– from uncertainty about my health (why did I suddenly need beta blockers?), to my decision to quit taking my primary anti-IIH medication, to working through physical weakness and reconditioning my heart after a long period of rest. I’m stronger and healthier now, which means I can do more things outside of my home. That prospect has its own anxiety attached to it, though.
Autumn and winter are when I end up reflecting a lot on the family that I’ve lost. I haven’t really “lost” friends, thanks to social media– while our relationships may shrink, grow, or otherwise change shape, they’re still there in some capacity. I can still message them. My family, though, is a different situation. Some I’ve lost to death, others to the need for safety and peace of mind. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb, and friends are the family you choose, but I still notice the holes sometimes.
I’ve also enjoyed a lot of magickal success this year. I don’t want to be too specific, but I’ve seen the return of friends I didn’t think I’d really get to hang out with anymore, a boost in readership, and several small, comfortable miracles that have really helped me out. Though this is often a melancholy time of year (which, honestly, is one of the things I love about it), I have reason to be joyful and full of energy.
Things haven’t been great for the rest of the world, but when are they ever? Even with more encouraging news every day, I still worry about the election, the Dakota Access Pipeline, and the dead and dying in Haiti and other countries affected by natural disasters. I need to learn how to release the things I can’t control, but I still get that “Do something” itch in my fingers when I read about them. I have never been good at sitting still. I’ve had to do it, especially after being diagnosed, but I chafe at it. Some day, I will be in a position where I am strong enough to effectively help the people I want to help.
How has your year been? What goals have you achieved?