Okay, so, last week I discovered that my inner goddess is most like Artemis via the magic of online personality quizzes. Or about half Artemis, a quarter Hecate, and a quarter Aphrodite, more accurately. This week, it’s time to try out a technique I found on Rejuvenation Lounge.
For this part, I’m going to set a five minute timer and free-write. I’m not going to edit it, so any typos are going to stay. In the end, I should have something written in the voice of my inner goddess. (“Should” being very much the operative word here.)
Okay. Deep breath. No distractions. And…. go.
Today’s date night, the one time per week my S.O. and I get to go out. I hate having to take propranolol just to do it, though. It’d be nice to be able to go out without having to worry about an attack of SVT, but that’s a circumstance a bit beyond my control– all of the meditation, relaxation, and chamomile tea in the world isn’t going to remove a bunch of defective cells. The best I can do is manage it, which…. involves taking beta blockers when I know I’m going to be in a situation that could trigger it, I guess. So, yay me?
I guess it’s important for me to realize that I need to relinquish some control over things. Anxiety makes this difficult. Some people would blame it on my being a Virgo, but I don’t really follow all of that. I’m pretty sure I have a good handle on why I’m anxious, and the month of my birth is at the very bottom of that particular list. Not having control of things doesn’t strike me as particularly goddessy, though.
Maybe this is what the second Wikihow goddess channeling method was referring to– the one whose name I can’t recall at the moment. The one that was all about going with the flow and reacting to what the world hands you in a calm, easygoing manner. That doesn’t strike me as particularly goddessy either, but maybe my definition of an inner goddess as a seat of power could use some adjusting. I don’t know.
I think the five minutes are almost up. I guess all the freelance writing’s done me some good– I can type pretty quickly, at the very least. I’m kind of surprised my thoughts were this coherent. I half expected myself to go off on a tangent of writing lists, or going off to play Stardew. Welp.
Hmm. That was a bit more insightful than I expected. Maybe instead of looking to exert control externally, I need to learn to control how I cope with a lack of control first. I don’t know that doing so really screams Artemis-Aphrodite-Hecate, but it’d be a worthwhile first step for me. I don’t have any misapprehensions that it’ll help cure my anxiety disorder, but a little learning to let go never killed anyone. Progress!
Next week, I attempt to channel my inner goddess through getting my drink on.