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Last week, I tried to give my inner Artemis-Aphrodite-Hecate-More Artemis a voice through free writing. Today, I’m going to see if I can channel her through more tangible means– tasty beverages.
There are an abundance of ingredients that can, according to the principles of herbal magick and kitchen witchery, help you improve your intuition, personal power, confidence, and more. Making a drink, therefore, can result in an effective witch’s brew for achieving your particular desire. So I’m going to hit up my fridge and my copy of Patricia Telesco’s Kitchen Witch’s Guide to Brews and Potions.
For this purpose, I’ve selected a couple of different recipes. All of them are non-alcoholic, because I don’t know how long this will take and I’d like to live through it. Because I’m not sure I can convince my S.O. to make a special shopping trip in order to buy a bunch of ingredients so I can be bad at things on the internet, I’m going to do my best with what I have on hand.
First up, let’s give the Orange-Pineapple Purifier a shot. It’s essentially a blend of O.J. and pineapple juice, and will hopefully serve as a cleanser before I begin downing cupfuls of fructose in earnest. It uses oranges, an ingredient associated with joy and creativity; pineapples, associated with cleansing; lemon, associated with cleansing and uncrossing; and whipped cream and a vanilla cookie, associated with deliciousness. I don’t have whipped cream or a cookie, so I’m gonna stick with the juices.
Not bad! I did not include a picture, because all of my cups are opaque and not even a little bit Pinteresty. Plus it pretty much just looks like orange juice.
Instead, here is fancier juice than I own, in Pinterestier glasses than I own, on a barn wood table I also do not own.
Alright! On to the next.
This one’s the Elixir of Health, and involves more pineapple juice, optional watercress, cucumber, ice, and parsley. All of these (except ice, obvs) are things with heck of vitamins and minerals, so the name checks out. Unfortunately I do not have watercress or fresh parsley. I do, however, have a shaker of dried Italian seasoning, so close enough.
The Italian seasoning may have been a mistake. I do not actually feel healthier at the moment, but I do feel like I just drank a smoothie made of fish food. In retrospect, I probably should’ve let it sit to rehydrate for a little bit. Duly noted.
Anyhow, next one. The Freedom Fountain.
This involves peach juice, apple extract, seltzer, a bay leaf, anise, and sweetener. I don’t really think it’s going to need sweetener, I’m not sure how I’d even find apple extract, and I do not have anise. The main player here seems to be the peach, which helps get rid of negativity and improve wisdom. All around, this drink is supposed to be good for personal transformation. I don’t know if it’ll work for me, but it’s pretty much a peach flavored soda and that’s rad.
I do not feel transformed yet, but I think I’m in the middle of some kind of epic-sugar-high-and-vitamin-C-sedation speedball. I should probably stop here before my attempts to channel my inner goddess become an attempt to get to a hospital in a timely fashion.
Have I channeled my inner goddess? I don’t know. It’ll probably take more than one evening of slammajammin’ gallons of juice in order to do so. That said, Patricia Telesco’s book is pretty neat, full of good advice, and mothe recipes do a very good job of straddling the line between flavor and function.
Next week, I try to use rocks instead.